Search for meaning:
He had never been in a situation wherein unreasonable suffering seems the only task left in his life that suicide seems to be a very reasonable option. He never thought that living only extends the misery and torment he has already taken. He never felt that the vacuum of meaningless suffering sucking the life out of him like a black hole. He never thought that breathing is a disease only death can cure, until this morning. Mr. J his waking up with the painful realization of the fact that, life is not worth leaving any more. Or perhaps he is wondering, why someone would even take the trouble of breathing in this obnoxious atmosphere. Perhaps is eyes are assured of certain things without variation. Perhaps he is expecting a change, a turnaround or may be a short of entertainment. And what can be a better entertainment than suicide!
He has always wanted to celebrate his death, and what if he can plan his death according to his will. What percentage of people has ever done that! Surely, it’s going to be a good experience but he has to make sure that there is some fun element underneath. He is fundamentally preoccupied with the idea that, contemplation of suicide is a form of entertainment, not an escape from the gloom.
Mr. J went out with a couple of friends of him in search of a river or may be a lake. But the journey seems never ending and when they reached, it was pleasing nevertheless. Whenever he looked at his friends, they were sighing to themselves as if the journey cost them a great effort. He is standing in front of a blue lake. The very look of it transports him back to those good old days. Mr. J is waiting, or may be in searching for something. He is in search of lost time.
Has he not the right to live? Certainly he has. It follows that he doesn’t want to. It‘s not worthwhile now. The glowing embers and the ashes of the sunset sky were now beginning to dim .The water, glittering and trembling in the moonlight. The moon shone down on everything with that simplicity and serenity which no other light possesses. He is wondering if this was the climax he himself had willed. Mr. J is turning towards the moon and utter, “If you believe in light, it's because of obscurity. If you believe in joy, it's because of sadness. And if you believe in God, it's because of the devil”. He paused and ran the words over his tongue again in silence. “Light”, “Obscurity”…..”Light”, “Obscurity”……
He says to himself,
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and relax, relax……